did my maternal instinct kick-in after giving birth? (as a NON-maternal person)
OKAY, so if you are new here, HERE are some QUICK and short context bits about myself, that makes this blog post make A LOT MORE SENSE to you:
I am a girlie in my 20s who never wanted to have children
I fell pregnant unexpectedly (unplanned, and I was NOT happy about it - all about it here, and I logged it ALL along my blog posts)
I chose to continue my unplanned pregnancy due to my faith in God
What I feared the most about motherhood: LOSING MY IDENTITY, MY HAPPINESS, and NOT ACHIEVING MY DREAMS because of the demands and load of motherhood (my original dream was to live an independent, soft girl life being my own boss making money online, and travelling the world! - BIG DIFFERENCE, for now)
Well, all along my blog, I am here to be your big sister and tell you (in a NUTSHELL) that you can STILL do it all!
Being a mum can STILL have you being aesthetic, achieving your dreams of being an entrepreneur and living that soft girl life after you make your passive income from your Blog online, and still experience FUN in your life.
We just don’t see enough of it portrayed anywhere!
Like yeah motherhood is CHALLENGING at times, but it is also the ultimate FORM of self-development. And what better way to achieve our dreams, than through becoming our best self that achieves them?
OKAY, NOW THAT YOU ARE UP-TO-SCRATCH with it all, let’s get into it!
chapters:
first, let’s cover “maternal instinct”
me before childbirth
my expectations
the reality of my maternal instinct post-childbirth
“maternal instinct”
So, I feel like this term is used a lot, and I think most of us would say maternal instinct is best described as that nurturing feeling or tendency a woman has.
But just to be sure, I resorted to Google! (hehe)
Maternal instinct is defined as:
OKAY SO BASICALLY, my main takeaways from this definition is that we are referring to the tendency to be:
nurturing
protective, and
responsive (or attentive)
Now that we are all on the same page about maternal instinct:
“why have I always considered myself to be a “non-maternal” person?”
me before childbirth
Well, perfectly using the words defining maternal ITSELF…
I never was THAT kind of NURTURING person!
Let me give you real life examples…
I was never the friend to:
take the lead in gatherings, and do the cooking, or make sure we had the groceries - I was honestly the ONE to just show-up with barely any thought and be there for the VIBES
take the extra step and bring some medicine if you were sick or be one to “look after” the other (not in a rude way, but it didn’t come naturally to me to LOOK AFTER someone else)
I wasn’t THAT attentive kind of person.
And who knows, maybe this is LIFE’S WAY OF TEACHING ME HOW; through the most obvious way there is - becoming a mother (alongside ALL ELSE)!
So yeah! For all those reasons, I always considered myself to be a NON-maternal person.
Was my unplanned pregnancy going to change that?
I had NO CLUE.
But I had some pre-conceived expectations…
my expectations
SIMPLY PUT:
My expectation was that motherhood would NOT make me into THIS “maternal” person.
…in other words, my maternal instinct WOULD NOT kick-in!
I was already made a mother from the moment I found out I was pregnant, since I was already responsible for another life, but by “motherhood” IN THIS context, I meant:
…from the moment, baby was out of me. And LOOKING AFTER another human took its FULL effect.
Since up until childbirth, looking after baby does entirely overlap with looking after YOURSELF.
(A moment to mention my previous blog post, if you’re interested, on how DESPITE looking after a whole other human, I set an intention and plan to preserve my individuality as much as possible from the caregiving ROLE of being a mother - in order to protect my wellbeing as much as possible from the strain of being a first-time mum / unplanned mum (originally childfree!) - ofcourse WITHOUT jeopardising the health and wellbeing of baby, that is).
CONTROVERSIAL: preserving my individuality to be a HAPPIER first-time mum
However, carrying on…
my expectation mostly stemmed from the certainty based on my perception of:
“how would I change this maternal aspect of myself, NO MATTER HOW TRANSFORMATIVE or intense this life experience is?”
This is because being “maternal” or NOT, was something that TO ME, was:
part of my IDENTITY - possibility to change, but not expected!
I viewed myself / self-identity as someone who was not maternal, and that was it.
That was the whole background that founded this belief, and instilled this expectation within me.
Now:
my reality AFTER childbirth
…was that I DID become the very thing I didn’t expect…
my maternal instinct DID kick-in… just WOW…
The thing is, I am about 2-months postpartum, and I only JUST REALISED that it happened.
Because only when I came to write this blog post, I looked deeper into what “maternal instinct” actually meant when reflected in daily actions.
Then, that LIGHTBULB MOMENT hit, and that’s when I had my moment of realisation of:
“oh, that’s exactly who I have become MORE of since giving birth to my baby…”
After giving birth, I almost immediately found myself being more:
NURTURING - feeling empathy and the need to make sure baby feels happy and comfortable, as much as I knew how; as a first-time mum
PROTECTIVE - extra vigilant of surroundings, and certain energies surrounding my baby, and
RESPONSIVE - feeling the need to nearly always respond to baby’s cries or needs MYSELF, even if I know baby is in safe hands, such as my partner or family
I will say, it didn’t happen ALL AT ONCE.
I do feel like the protectiveness kicked in straight away, where as the nurturing and responsiveness may have taken those first two weeks to really ramp up, but I do feel like that delay was mostly from the emotional lows and overwhelm I was feeling from the ACT of caregiving (and its exhausting mental load of parenting / mothering) rather than the baby themselves!
You may have seen me mention before, about “no matter how transformative” giving birth may be, I couldn’t possibly imagine it making me into the maternal person I am now…
But it IS just that.
Giving birth, and actually seeing the baby and interacting with baby really made me embody this maternal instinct that I NEVER KNEW I had.
Maybe it’s just the way things work, or maybe it’s just how it worked for ME.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you (or anyone else!) if you don’t feel these elements, or the maternal instinct IN GENERAL!
Everyone is different, and also everyone has different timings!
You just never know how motherhood will play out for YOU.
It really is a whole lottery, specially when you never planned for it…
But you are NOT any less of a mother, or woman, or human, for not feeling this.
This DOES NOT define you in any shape or form.
This is just simply my personal experience, I am sharing with you all!
I thought it to be specially interesting for other girlies who may be, or have been in similar situations like me - not wanting children and unexpectedly falling pregnant, to imagine what it COULD be like for someone like them.
For another girlie who felt the way they did, which was a lot less typical than what we usually hear!
Since, I WOULD HAVE NEVER PREDICTED me being that person!
ME?! OF ALL PEOPLE!? ahaha
I guess motherhood does really have a special way of shaping you, and forcing you to grow.
Since, I’ll say it TIME AND TIME AGAIN, but even though I never wanted this, I am seeing that:
motherhood really is the ultimate form of self-growth, and self-development
…without the fluff, just pure and raw - forcing you to work on yourself from the inside OUT.
AND THERE WE HAVE IT!
I hope you found this blog post interesting, and reassuring that even if you never wanted children, you can still grow into that maternal person through the experience pregnancy, and becoming a mother (also), brings you.
But that ALSO, it is completely okay to not feel or be a “maternal” person, when the time comes.
We are all different, and there’s power in that.
There is no ONE way to be, or do life.
Just…Own your Womanhood. Honour your Time.
♡
I’ll be logging updates throughout this whole journey as a mother-to-be, working to be an entrepreneur, but to also still preserve the girlhood within, to try and be her best self, and live her happiest life, so keep-up with me through the blog!
I release a new blog post every Friday at 1pm! (UK-time)
Let me know if you’re in a similar headspace (pregnant or not), being in our 20s is confusing, and taking control of our story is the only way we can take ownership of our happiness and live out our dream life.
I document my unwanted pregnancy journey at 25, taking control of my narrative, figuring out being a girl in my 20s, chasing my dream life, and conquering my boss babe dream of becoming a self-employed, entrepreneur / Blogger!
