how I am planning for a positive postpartum? 🎀☁️(at 5 months pregnant). PART 1: mentally!
chapters:
why am I writing about this?
reality or else?
mentally prepare
question the narrative
repaint the picture
internalising
Yes, that's right. It is possible to have a positive postpartum experience.
If you have felt quite discouraged by all the social media emphasis on postpartum depression, being in the trenches with a newborn, losing yourself, and just not being happy, keep reading on!
Now, just to premise that yes, from the title, you can see I have not had my baby yet, and from previous blog posts, you can say that yes, this is my first-time being a mum. So, you might be questioning ' how do I know?'. Well, not everyone has a negative experience during postpartum, and therefore, it is POSSIBLE.
But we'll get into that.
I'd like to just, first, acknowledge that each pregnancy is different, and with that, each postpartum is wildly different too and neither is a "right" one to experience. We are all just different, and that is okay.
SKIP to the chapter: "mentally prepare" if you'd like to jump straight into the how-to's.
why am I writing about this?
Well, I have immersed myself over the past 2, or so, months (currently 5 months pregnant right now, but you might be reading this later on- more on my Blogging strategies in future posts to come!) into the world of social media on the side of pregnancy and first-mums-to-be, and everything looks quite grim.
Okay, not EVERYTHING, but there is definitely a narrative being sold to us that pregnancy is hard, postpartum is hard and life will be hard.
And I'm sure it will be harder, than without children, but I don't see enough on the encouragement-side
of things like 'yeah it will be harder, but you will also grow into the person for it as you go, and it will no longer be this huge, daunting obstacle'.
OR just having some positive portrayals of what postpartum can look like, that would be nice.
If you relate to what I'm saying then you would be VERY FAMILIAR with the following terms being on rinse and repeat:
in the trenches
postpartum depression
postpartum anxiety
losing yourself
And a lot of crying, and hardship. THAT is the image I have of what postpartum will be like, purely based off of social media, as a first-time mum-to-be.
This has me questioning if it HAS to be that way.
I mean it definitely will be that way for anyone who doesn't try to defy the narrative since your belief system is what will generate the experience for you.
It's what separates someone who is afraid of heights from someone who isn't afraid of heights, for example (their belief associated to the concept of heights in most cases).
In simpler words, if that's what you believe will happen, your brain doesn't know any better than to recreate that experience for you, as you believe it to be.
If you have had no other demonstration of a postpartum experience except a negative, and depressing one, and that is what you believe, then that is what will be.
BUT, we are all about taking control of our narrative here, and not just taking it for what it is, where possible, so things are about to look sunnier here, don't you worry!
reality or else?
Some of you might just be wondering, when reading this, well if there's so much on the downsides of postpartum, then maybe it's just the reality, and maybe you might be right.
But it doesn't HAVE to be the REALITY of it.
Of course, we can prepare all we can to have a positive postpartum, and still have it be quite rough (I am not trying to deceive anyone, or even myself here) but let's at least give ourselves the grace and the chance to KNOW that reality is partly what we make of it, and the same goes for a positive postpartum as a first-time mum-to-be.
Life can be unexpected, as this pregnancy was for me in 2024, but so can other things be. We might have an unexpectedly positive postpartum experience too. Good things can happen too.
Many things can go unplanned during labour, and postpartum, but by PLANNING for a positive postpartum you shift your perception and so, your postpartum experience will now become a true reflection of the unique nature of your experience, RATHER THAN accepting the fate of the narrative we see online, and taking that as our guaranteed future postpartum experience.
I'm here to enlighten you that you have some control in shifting your mindset, perception and reality and that is is POSSIBLE to have a positive postpartum, contrary to a lot of what we see online.
Quick disclaimer to note, I don't think it is wrong for there to be the harder and more negative portrayals of experiences like postpartum, on social media, since it is important for women to support eachother and guide eachother through their shared experiences. I think that's awesome, but I also want to shed some light and bring forth my main aim with my Blog and brand here at in her Full Effect that we are powerful women who can take control of our narrative, and we don't HAVE TO go by how we see others live their life. We can create our own path, as much as what is in our control to.
mentally prepare
Mentally preparing yourself for a positive postpartum has to be the first, and the most important way for me, to prepare for a positive postpartum.
Since after all, your mind has ALL to say about how your life comes into play (besides the uncontrollable factors ofcourse).
We already know that our internal belief systems drive our attitudes, behaviours and experiences, and so, to plan for a positive postpartum, we have to shift our internal belief system to have positive beliefs around postpartum.
Sounds hard, or undoable, right? Specially, if you're in similar circumstances to me!
I'm telling you it IS doable, and it IS possible. It might just take some time, but will get easier.
I condensed my method down to 3 main steps here:
Question the narrative
Repaint the picture
Internalise
question the narrative
- don't just take what you see for granted. It was granted for them, since they are going through it, but it doesn't mean it will go that way FOR YOU.
Defying what you see online with questions like "does it have to be that way? is it like that for EVERYONE?" which we know the answer is NO as a fact since everyone can live the same experience differently.
You can also do this by using reassuring phrases like "I'm sure it can't be this way for everyone. It sounds like a hard time for most women, but I can do as much as possible so it is not that bad. Postpartum can be hard but I don't have the same circumstances, and I might be better equipped then".
Or, you can stay OFF social media, or that side of the algorithm by simply engaging with non-postpartum media, and it will soon come off your feed as the recommended for you. Staying off can sometimes be the easiest way to protect your peace.
I have done all of the above, and have stuck with now being off social media as much as possible, unless it's to see my FAVOURITE influencers for non-motherhood related things, like Tam Kaur for all the productivity / entrepreneurial content, or Fernanda Ramirez for all the girly, good vibes and comfort content.
Unless, I am trying to research a specific question I have about pregnancy, labour or postpartum, I come to Google to get answers or engage in communities I know will be uplifting.
repaint the picture
- you need to frame in your mind and visualise exactly how the "best-case" scenario would be for your postpartum so that you can give your mind something else to work with. So that your brain is exposed to another perception of postpartum reality; one that aligns more with what YOU WANT.
I have found it VERY HARD to do this one alone, since where I started with this pregnancy was in such a negative perception of motherhood and life as a mum (since I wanted to always be childfree). I couldn't even IMAGINE the positives of life with a child, let alone a newborn. I have now come a long way with mentalising myself that this is happening, and now in go-mode of taking control of my happiness. What has helped me are the following 2 steps:
Inspo from influencers online: seeking out influencers who share their POSITIVE POSTPARTUM journeys. I know I said about staying off social media but that was after I went through all these steps. Finding women on social media who share their positive experience of postpartum is biased, I know! But that's the whole point! We want our brains to be positively biased for postpartum to mentally equip our chances of actually living it!
Practicing this mental EXERCISE: forcing my brain to sort-of 'problem-solve' in a reality that hasn't happened yet. To do this, I ask myself "what could be better in my postpartum experience, than the current life I am living of working 9-to-5 for 40 hours every week?". Even if you have NO ANSWERS initially, as I also didn't, keep it in mind and you will see in your day-to-day, your brain will start picking things up to answer your question because you are looking for it.
Inspiration from influencers online - for this one, you can go about it 2 ways, as I did.
a) Find influencers who generically portray positive postpartum experiences. Like, for example, I found this influencer on Instagram who's called Kerregan Calhoun. Video below!
Another influencer I found was on Tiktok, her name is Chloe Molina; video below!
tips for having a great post partum recovery!!!!! ❤️ from someone who ... | TikTok
b) Find influencers who are mothers who mirror what you want in life. FOR EXAMPLE, for me I aspire and WILL become a full-time self-employed entrepreneur from my online business here on the Blog. I also care for aesthetics, looking stylish and still living cool experiences whether it's travels or adventures locally in London. Therefore, finding an influencer who is a mother BUT ALSO shows an entrepreneurial side, and does fun stuff and looks stylish helps me repaint the picture of what motherhood CAN BE. An example for me is Liliana Filipa, an entrepreneur who is a mother, loves fashion and likes traveling the world; video below!
Liliana Filipa | Thank you 2024, I’m living in my dream ✨ | Instagram
Of course, with this second way of using inspo online to help us repaint our own narrative of postpartum, I take what I see with a pinch of salt, as I would advise you too also! This is because, for example, for the entrepreneur above, the lifestyle she has is one she can afford maybe because of nannys to babysit the children, and also just being at a different stage of his business and financial life than me. So, I know I would not have the SAME circumstances, not yet!
However, the key here is to use the inspiration and open your mind to a reality where you don't have to lose yourself, you can still accomplish your dreams, and still have fun and look good doing so!
It might not happen right after postpartum, or it might do, but it doesn't have to feel like "the end of your life" or "the end of your youth" "the end of your dreams" or simply "the end". After you start getting familiar with this new role of motherhood, which might take time, but does not need to go through a negative postpartum, you can start to see how to juggle things in the ways that are possible to you right now.
Seeking this positive inspiration online gives your brain content and ideas for positive imagination to help you repaint the picture of:
i) what you want out of a positive postpartum,
ii) what it means to you to have a positive postpartum / what aligns with your values of happiness,
iii) helps you take ideas and make them your own
This can help you repaint the picture of a positive postpartum, if you don't feel that mentally capable yet to come up with answers yourself!
Practicing this mental exercise - like yeah postpartum is hard, as is any other life experience (to varying degrees) but it is more about what you are familiar with.
You might have seen the Tiktok trend a while ago of "choose your hard". I saw it mostly related to fitness content, like the one below:
Choose your hard:) #gym #gymtok #gymlife #gymmotivation #motivation | Motivation Gym | TikTok
But this trend teaches an important life lesson, but also mindset shift that applies to almost anything in life, depending on how you to choose to use it.
The premise: anything in life is hard but doing what's best for you will always be more worth it. Same with when you are looking to mentally plan for a positive postpartum as a first-time mum! Postpartum will be hard, but it will be harder if you choose to believe it will be rough and depression. It will be more worth it to prepare yourself as much as possible to try and have a positive postpartum, if you can.
It is no longer about "hard", but is about what you "choose" to make your reality. This is how we take control of our narrative.
Take my particular circumstance, as is the case for many reading this, I assume:
I remember when I first started a full-time 9-to-5 and I found it super hard! It took me a good 3 or 4 months to really get used to the massive lifestyle shift of spending most of my time at a job I didn't like, from previously having all the time in the world to go out exploring London and sleeping until late, being happy with little-to-no money, and no bills to pay.
When I practice this exercise:
"what could be better in my postpartum experience, than the current life I am living of working 9-to-5 for 40 hours every week?"
: I start to see that simply one experience I am FAMILIAR with; the 9-to-5. I'm not necessarily happy there though, it just pays the bills. With that being said, I start to dive deeper and see little things that could answer my question for me in this exercise, for example:
The other day I woke up at 6am, it was pitch black-dark outside (as is most of the time in London during winter) and it was freezing cold, windy and heavily raining, and I thought:
"getting up this early to leave my house, in this cold, surely isn't as bad as getting up early to stay in my cosy home, even if it is being woken up by baby crying multiple times"
Or the other day, I was at my 9-to-5 and I was just so bored and felt as if my time was being wasted at this draining work with no purpose to me, and I randomly thought:
"well maybe looking after a baby rather than being bored here at my 9-to-5 will bring me more purpose and joy and be a more fulfilling use of my time than this; EVEN if it comes with its challenges and changes"
Even when I think about the newborn phase in general sometimes, I think okay well it seems like the main challenges are sleep deprivation from baby still learning their sleep schedule, and not knowing what I am doing most of the time. But then I think:
"well, I already sleep very little during pregnancy and with my 9-to-5 having to get up early, and sleeping late by the time I am done with getting home, and home choirs. Also, sometimes I have no clue what I am doing at my job, and I didn't when I first started but now I am self-sufficient at what I do and it runs smoothly. So, it must be a similar learning curve with a newborn, but with support from loved ones".
Additionally, it is not an option for my to abandon my Blog business and all my ideas for in her Full Effect to grow and monetise in 2025 (I'll share it all with you!), so it is something else that comes to mind as to how I will time manage working on my Blog with a newborn, but then I think:
"I currently only have about 1 to 2 hours in my day, with a 9-to-5, which is during my lunch break and maybe in the evenings depending on what choirs I have, to write my content for my Blog here, and create and schedule my marketing content for my Pinterest here. With a newborn, I should be equipped with the same amount of time or maybe more, once they have set napping times to be able to juggle choirs and blogging. I might actually have more time freedom and flexibility to work on my Blog, more than when they are a toddler since it might take more supervision and energy."
I hope you see what's happening here, slowly over-time I have rewired my brain to no longer feel so self-limited but actually be able to weight out my increased chances at a positive postpartum experience, simply by comparing it with the life I live now.
I haven't experienced a life postpartum to know for sure, but I can shift my perception and look at the positives that can come from this for sure!
I hope seeing my personally demonstrate myself doing this exercise, helps you also be able to come up with some ideas yourself! The key is to not pressure yourself to come up with answers, but to simply keep the question in-mind, and you'll see answers starting to emerge.
I might make a blog post on the positives of becoming pregnant unexpectedly, to really show you that if I can turn it around for myself, and take control of my narrative, from what started as an unwanted pregnancy, so can you!
Finally, we have...
internalising
This one is the shortest of steps, and is more to-do with taking all the mental work you have done with step 1 and 2 of questioning the narrative, and repainting the picture of what postpartum looks like to you, and BELIEVING that you can have a positive postpartum.
Believing that you WILL have a positive postpartum, as much as is in your control.
You are planning for a positive postpartum, and the work you are putting into to mentally preparing yourself to have a positive experience will come into fruition, to some degree.
Internalising is taking all the exposure to other possibilities, positive ones of postpartum, alongside defying the online narrative, not accepting but taking control of your own reality, to create an internal belief system (as we touched on earlier) that has a positive belief around postpartum.
I'm sure there is a lot of good that can come out of having a baby, and the postpartum life, that can not even imagine or expect, so let's give ourselves the chance to experience it.
Anything else, that might not be so positive, is simply part of the learning curve, the transition, the unfamiliarity with this different type of "hard".
Other women have had a positive postpartum, some with less support than you, with less-advantageous circumstances than you, but have still had a good postpartum. And so can you!
Even if you are at this step here, and you still don't feel like you are mentally prepared for a positive postpartum, don't worry! It won't always feel like you are sure of this new phase in your life, and it's normal to feel doubt and worry and nerves, lot's of nerves! But what matters if you open your mind and just keep trying to defy the logic out there of any negativity surrounding postpartum, understanding where it might come from and separating yourself from that, as well as seeking out positive influences, and knowing what a positive postpartum would look like to YOU.
There you have it on how to plan for a positive postpartum, how I'm doing it at 5 months pregnant onwards, and how I am doing the mental preparation for a positive postpartum as a first-time mum-to-be!
♡
I was going to originally make one complete guide here, on the how-to plan for a positive postpartum as a first-time mum, both mentally, physically and emotionally, but the mental side of it was just SO vast, so I split it into Part 1 and Part 2 so it doesn't bore you, but ALSO so you can go to the part you might want to focus on more, if there is any preference.
For PART 2, on how to plan for a positive postpartum physically, go here. I also talk about the emotional side of preparing in part 2 also!
See you around, and remember...
Own your Womanhood. Own you Time.
♡
I’ll be logging updates throughout this whole journey as a mother-to-be, working to be an entrepreneur, but to also still preserve the girlhood within, to try and be her best self, and live her happiest life, so keep-up with me through the blog!
I release a new blog post every Friday at 1pm! (UK-time)
Let me know if you’re in a similar headspace (pregnant or not), being in our 20s is confusing, and taking control of our story is the only way we can take ownership of our happiness and live out our dream life.
I document my unwanted pregnancy journey at 25, taking control of my narrative, figuring out being a girl in my 20s, chasing my dream life, and conquering my boss babe dream of becoming a self-employed, entrepreneur / Blogger!