answering your questions about childbirth fear…
chapters:
answering the questions you know you want to ask
and
yapping about childbirth fears
It needs no further introduction I guess, it’s in the title!
And I am guessing if you clicked on this post, you are either pregnant, or looking to be at some point in your life (or maybe just curious)!
I’m coming to your from the future.
I have now gone through the wild experience that is childbirth, or labour.
answering the questions you know you want to ask
I’m going to just go ahead and give you what you MOST want.
I’m going to be answering all the questions you know you want to ask, but might not feel most comfortable to those around you - either because of fearing their reaction, or because you’re scared of the answers yourself.
To then more generally YAP about childbirth fears, in the later chapters.
1: Is it normal to be so worried about giving birth?
The obvious answer you know I’m about to give you is YES.
And rightfully so!
I mean, no one taught us about our bodies as women, not about pregnancy, not about hormones, not about childbirth.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, and to have grown up disconnected from that whole part of our lives, can only make us more fearful and vulnerable to the horror stories we hear surrounding childbirth.
But as you may have heard many women say “your body was made for this”.
And no matter how worried or scared you are, it is all about surrendering to the mechanism that is your body, and its design.
2: How to overcome fear and anxiety of childbirth? / How to stop being scared of labour?
I can’t be your ONE ANSWER to fix all your fears and worries (I’m sorry, I really wish I was)!
Trust me, I wish I had someone give that to me when I was pregnant - specially when I got close to me due date - the nerves were REAL.
HOWEVER, there ARE things you can do and remind yourself of, that I personally did to help soothe me, specially when I started my maternity leave, and entered the last month of pregnancy:
deleting social media - not for everyone, but here’s my blog post on how it positively impacted me and my anxiety
breathe as much fresh air as possible - daily walks or simply sitting by the window with it wide open, catching some daylight and breeze to refresh you, your body, and your mind
speaking to women who have HAD children before for relatability and reassurance - women who will not judge and will support you (I’d think most, if not ALL women felt the exact same as you)
reminding yourself that: 1) MANY women go through childbirth every second - trust yourself, 2) your body was MADE to know how to go through childbirth - your mind doesn’t quite need to understand how, 3) worrying about it will not CHANGE or CONTROL the outcome
finding time each day for joy - whether it’s a coffee you love, a show you’re watching, painting on canvas, speaking to your favourite people, having a slow warm shower, listening to your most entertaining podcast. Finding something just for YOU maintains you grounded, and NOT flooded in the worries that can very easily take you from your current moment
3: What is the pain scale for childbirth from 1 to 10?
EACH experience is DIFFERENT, as you already saw coming.
But for me, the contractions were A LOT more painful than the pushing itself.
However, that is because I made use of the epidural to ease the pain…
Even though it is painful, it is the only type of pain (I can think of) that is not meant to hurt you, but is meant to HELP YOU get closer to having your baby out into the world.
The reassuring thing is that there are options to help you ease the pain of childbirth, IF you wish and if you CAN use these options, and IF ANYTHING, just know that it will not last forever!
In the moment, I will be honest with you, you will not care - you will be so eager to be done, but looking back, you will see how you got through regardless!
4: What's better c section or natural birth?
BOTH have their ‘pros and cons’, however, from my discussions with women who have had both experiences…
It seems like natural (vaginal) birth is more painful in the moment, and potentially smoother in recovery (depending on your experience, as with anything else I mention here!)…
AND
C-sections might be less painful in the moment, and trickier in the recovery.
I know some women do not have the option, but for those who do, and are considering between both; I recommend always going through both the risks and benefits of both procedures with your midwife or doctor, AND being extensive about your questions.
5: How do you know labour is starting?
FOR ME, my waters broke!
TO my surprise, since all women I knew did not have that as their first sign of labour starting.
But other women, it might be losing their mucus plug (slight bleed or mucus discharge), contractions (tight feelings in lower belly or back), pooing A LOT.
Apparently, most women go into labour in the 2-week timeframe before or after their due date, so that can also be a slight sign, but not as reliable since as a first-time mum, it can take longer (even though mine followed this predicted timeframe).
6: Is childbirth as scary as it seems?
Yes! But not to make you more scared.
But YES TO make you feel validated in what you feel.
It can be very easy to feel misunderstood, specially by men in your life, that don’t feel that intensity of fear since they just take it as “just another pregnancy” from the many women in their life.
BUT AS THE WOMAN, it’s like “there’s only one way out for this baby”, there’s no going around this.
So yes it is as scary as it seems…UNTIL you go through it and realise the power that there is in doing something as MINDBLOWING as growing and THEN pushing out a whole human out into the world.
yapping about childbirth fears
Let me introduce you to Tokophobia: fear of childbirth.
Okay, I won’t say I had Tokophobia, but I was extremely
ANXIOUS
SCARED
AND DREADING the experience.
I had never planned to be pregnant, and never wanted children.
To now be faced with an experience where I could literally die!
Okay, I know most women do not die during childbirth, and we thankfully have a lot of technology and advancements in the medical world to support us through labour, but let’s not downplay it…
LABOUR IS AN UNPREDICTABLE EXPERIENCE.
No matter how much of a birth plan you have, all sorts of emergencies or unexpected situations can arise.
This is NOT TO make you nervous or even more scared (sorry if it does!), but it is too hopefully make you feel more connected and reassured that you are not alone in feeling scared of childbirth.
There is LITERALLY a term for the fear of childbirth BECAUSE:
there are enough women who experience this feeling to make it into a term!
Besides fear of dying during childbirth, there are literally so many other reasons us women can think of or go through for fearing childbirth, such as:
fear of feeling pain during labour
fear of birth plan not going as planned
fear of labour being traumatic both on you and baby
fear of the unknown
fear of complications
fear of tearing during childbirth
The list CAN GO ON.
I feel like this chapter would be specially useful for any man in your life, because no matter how much they might try to empathise with us, they will never truly DEEP the extent to which these fears consume us, as the women, and as the humans going through such a transformative experience.
And don’t tell me that “oh but women were made for this” and “oh but women do it all the time, you will be fine”.
I MEAN YES, but also…
That doesn’t take away from how life-threatening it can feel, specially as a woman who never wanted children, such as myself.
The thing is, even just as a WOMAN (independent of whether you wanted kids before or not) you never really think about it too much.
Pregnancy and labour is just a topic that gets used very casually by the people in your life, as you grow up. But when you GO THROUGH IT, then it’s like “ OKAY, my body is going to have to physically stretch and open to push a baby out…”.
The literalness takes a different toll…
I hope that makes sense!
Either way, I just felt like doing a mini yap session on childbirth fears, as a sort of DIVE into what thoughts cross a pregnant woman’s mind, when fearing childbirth, since it can really help understand where these fears actually stem from (if not obvious already).
And that’s it on this one from me girls!
Whether you are pregnant, or looking to be, just know that you are not alone in feeling scared.
It is human, and it is probably more rare if you DON’T feel anything at all about pushing out a baby.
So, don’t worry…
It is normal.
You are not weird for feeling that way.
I’m sending you ALL my love, and I hope this chat was able to soothe you even if only a tiny bit…
Take this as a SIGN to not simply ignore how you feel, but to allow yourself to feel your emotions and then give yourself permission to feel more at ease in the nature of letting our body do its thing.
Own your Womanhood. Own your Time.
♡
I’ll be logging updates throughout this whole journey as a mother-to-be, working to be an entrepreneur, but to also still preserve the girlhood within, to try and be her best self, and live her happiest life, so keep-up with me through the blog!
I release a new blog post every Friday at 1pm! (UK-time)
Let me know if you’re in a similar headspace (pregnant or not), being in our 20s is confusing, and taking control of our story is the only way we can take ownership of our happiness and live out our dream life.
I document my unwanted pregnancy journey at 25, taking control of my narrative, figuring out being a girl in my 20s, chasing my dream life, and conquering my boss babe dream of becoming a self-employed, entrepreneur / Blogger!
